When my wife was first pregnant with Ashley we went out and bought a ton of books on the subject of being pregnant. We also bought books about what to do after the baby has arrived. After reading these books you should feel confidant about being a parent. These books are wonderful they prepare you for everything. If you believe that I have some Ocean property for sale in Arizona dirt cheap. So here goes, things that should be in every parenting book. This is mainly for the dads....moms seem to already know this stuff.
1. Approach a crying newborn like you would a buddy on his twenty first birthday. Be prepared for one or all of the following, puke, poop or pee. Just like the buddy who has had too much to drink, the newborn cannot tell you what is wrong with him, you are playing the guessing game. Not being prepared for puke, poop and/or pee you are setting yourself up for one big mess. Have all the necessary tools ready. To effectively fix the crying newborn (or your buddy) you must have, and know how to properly use, a diaper, a spit rag, a good set of nose and ear plugs, and for the most extreme cases, a good pair of gloves and sturdy tongs.
2. Allow one extra day per child to get ready to go somewhere. No matter how ready and prepared you think you are, just know your not. Your always forgetting something, or someone. One or all of your children will poop themselves right before you leave or as your just leaving the driveway. It will smell and it will be messy, have extra clothes ready. No matter how long or short the trip is one or all of your children will pitch a fit, be prepared, most of the times it will be for the duration of the trip. For those of you paying attention you should already have your ear plugs handy and be able to use them. Most people fail to realize that you will go through this again when you come home from your trip, don't make that mistake. Usually the trip home is worse, the kids are tired and if they have been to grandmas house, they are coming off of a huge sugar high. So be prepared.
3. No matter what time you sit down for supper your newborn/toddler will need to be fed. I know what your thinking, I will just fed them right before supper...good luck with that, it never works out. Also make sure you make extra. Most of the food will end up on the floor anyway.
4. For those kids who are learning to use the "big kid pottie" they will lie to you. They will sit on the toilet and swear they do not have to go. Then just seconds later they will pee all over the couch or the carpet. Or if your child is like mine, they will hide in their bedroom, take off the training diaper and pee on the floor then come running out of the bedroom yelling "I did it, I did it!" I have yet to find a solution to this problem if you have one, please email me.
5. While on the subject of bathrooms, your private bathroom time is over. For those of you who like a bit of reading material while relaxing on the throne forget about it. You will have at least one visitor. The conversation will be nothing of importance. Usually it will just be something like "What'cha doing daddy?" or "Daddy can I watch one of my shows?". Resist the urge to say something like "Can't this wait until I am done?". All this will do is trigger a fit. Just go into bathroom time knowing your going to be interrupted this will make the minute or two you actually get by yourself that much more enjoyable.
6. Do not let your kids on to the fact that their kid CD's will play in the car. This is all you will end up listening to. Forget your music, it is either "Wheels on the Bus" or crying it is your choice. Since you cannot hear the radio over the crying anyway the kids CD will become your music of choice.
7. Dads be prepared, the kids will always want mom. If they fall down they want mom, when they go to bed, they want mom. Moms do it better. Most of the time your kids will look at you like your an idiot, don't be offended, you are an idiot.
8. Enjoy the time when your kid cannot talk. Parents try to rush this talking thing. Once they learn how to talk they don't stop. I have seen Ashley rubbing her jaw by the end of the night. The talking is non stop and they expect an answer to every question they throw out there. If you don't answer they just repeat it. So if your plan is to ignore come up with a new plan.
Most of all, enjoy your kids as they grow up. Time goes fast, don't miss a thing. The only advice you need to remember, sleep when they sleep and never under any circumstances wake a sleeping baby.
1. Approach a crying newborn like you would a buddy on his twenty first birthday. Be prepared for one or all of the following, puke, poop or pee. Just like the buddy who has had too much to drink, the newborn cannot tell you what is wrong with him, you are playing the guessing game. Not being prepared for puke, poop and/or pee you are setting yourself up for one big mess. Have all the necessary tools ready. To effectively fix the crying newborn (or your buddy) you must have, and know how to properly use, a diaper, a spit rag, a good set of nose and ear plugs, and for the most extreme cases, a good pair of gloves and sturdy tongs.
2. Allow one extra day per child to get ready to go somewhere. No matter how ready and prepared you think you are, just know your not. Your always forgetting something, or someone. One or all of your children will poop themselves right before you leave or as your just leaving the driveway. It will smell and it will be messy, have extra clothes ready. No matter how long or short the trip is one or all of your children will pitch a fit, be prepared, most of the times it will be for the duration of the trip. For those of you paying attention you should already have your ear plugs handy and be able to use them. Most people fail to realize that you will go through this again when you come home from your trip, don't make that mistake. Usually the trip home is worse, the kids are tired and if they have been to grandmas house, they are coming off of a huge sugar high. So be prepared.
3. No matter what time you sit down for supper your newborn/toddler will need to be fed. I know what your thinking, I will just fed them right before supper...good luck with that, it never works out. Also make sure you make extra. Most of the food will end up on the floor anyway.
4. For those kids who are learning to use the "big kid pottie" they will lie to you. They will sit on the toilet and swear they do not have to go. Then just seconds later they will pee all over the couch or the carpet. Or if your child is like mine, they will hide in their bedroom, take off the training diaper and pee on the floor then come running out of the bedroom yelling "I did it, I did it!" I have yet to find a solution to this problem if you have one, please email me.
5. While on the subject of bathrooms, your private bathroom time is over. For those of you who like a bit of reading material while relaxing on the throne forget about it. You will have at least one visitor. The conversation will be nothing of importance. Usually it will just be something like "What'cha doing daddy?" or "Daddy can I watch one of my shows?". Resist the urge to say something like "Can't this wait until I am done?". All this will do is trigger a fit. Just go into bathroom time knowing your going to be interrupted this will make the minute or two you actually get by yourself that much more enjoyable.
6. Do not let your kids on to the fact that their kid CD's will play in the car. This is all you will end up listening to. Forget your music, it is either "Wheels on the Bus" or crying it is your choice. Since you cannot hear the radio over the crying anyway the kids CD will become your music of choice.
7. Dads be prepared, the kids will always want mom. If they fall down they want mom, when they go to bed, they want mom. Moms do it better. Most of the time your kids will look at you like your an idiot, don't be offended, you are an idiot.
8. Enjoy the time when your kid cannot talk. Parents try to rush this talking thing. Once they learn how to talk they don't stop. I have seen Ashley rubbing her jaw by the end of the night. The talking is non stop and they expect an answer to every question they throw out there. If you don't answer they just repeat it. So if your plan is to ignore come up with a new plan.
Most of all, enjoy your kids as they grow up. Time goes fast, don't miss a thing. The only advice you need to remember, sleep when they sleep and never under any circumstances wake a sleeping baby.
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