There are a few conversations I have been dreading as a parent. I figured I was safe with Ashley. My wife would have the "sex" talk with her. My job with Ashley will be to scare potential boyfriends away. That is one part of my job I am looking forward to. I have a shotgun and a shovel, and I don't think anyone will miss you. Then we had Jake. I figured I had quite a few years to get prepared for the dreaded talk. Since he has yet to utter a single word, I still have a ways to go.
Then the other night I was giving Ashley a bath. She pointed to her private parts and announced, "I have a venus". Now my wife and I have decided to use the proper names for private parts. So I said "No honey you have a vagina, you are a girl." I thought the conversation was over but Ashley had different plans. "I have a bagina and Jake has a penis." No bagina is not a typo. For some reason when my daughter says vagina it comes out as bagina and with an accent like she was from India. "Yes Ashley you have a vagina like mom. Jake has a penis like dad." Suddenly Ashley was even more curious. She has taken baths with Jake quite a few times. She knows he is different than she is. And she picked this time to figure out why.
After we established the differences between males and females Ashley fired off this question, "Daddy, do you have a small penis like Jake does?" I was laughing so hard I could not speak. Suddenly I was having a conversation with my daughter about the size of my penis. Once again, not covered in the parenting handbook. I avoided the question but she was not done. She then asked, "What is hanging from Jake's penis?" I told her those were his testicles. She then said, "Do I have icicles?" Again I had to explain the differences between male and female anatomy. I was very close to drawing her a picture.
I was not prepared for this conversation. It hit me out of nowhere. I have begun preparations for my big talk with Jake. I am starting to compile note cards that I can carry with me at all times. This way I will be ready. Well as ready as I can imagine being for that conversation.
Then the other night I was giving Ashley a bath. She pointed to her private parts and announced, "I have a venus". Now my wife and I have decided to use the proper names for private parts. So I said "No honey you have a vagina, you are a girl." I thought the conversation was over but Ashley had different plans. "I have a bagina and Jake has a penis." No bagina is not a typo. For some reason when my daughter says vagina it comes out as bagina and with an accent like she was from India. "Yes Ashley you have a vagina like mom. Jake has a penis like dad." Suddenly Ashley was even more curious. She has taken baths with Jake quite a few times. She knows he is different than she is. And she picked this time to figure out why.
After we established the differences between males and females Ashley fired off this question, "Daddy, do you have a small penis like Jake does?" I was laughing so hard I could not speak. Suddenly I was having a conversation with my daughter about the size of my penis. Once again, not covered in the parenting handbook. I avoided the question but she was not done. She then asked, "What is hanging from Jake's penis?" I told her those were his testicles. She then said, "Do I have icicles?" Again I had to explain the differences between male and female anatomy. I was very close to drawing her a picture.
I was not prepared for this conversation. It hit me out of nowhere. I have begun preparations for my big talk with Jake. I am starting to compile note cards that I can carry with me at all times. This way I will be ready. Well as ready as I can imagine being for that conversation.
