I was recently watching a Twins game on TV when my three-year-old daughter asked me, “Daddy, why do you like baseball?” My answer was simply, “Because I do.” Then I started thinking, “Why do I like baseball?” To the untrained eye baseball is simple. Someone throws a ball, someone hits the ball, and someone tries to catch the ball. Repeat for nine innings. If that were the case, I would find baseball boring as well. I love talking baseball while I watch a game; I love watching a perfectly executed sacrifice bunt. To me the game is so much more than pitch, hit and catch.
After some more thought, I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love baseball. A lot of my childhood memories were from a baseball park. I remember going to games with my dad. We would get there early to watch batting practice and stay late trying to get autographs. I remember holding Calvin Griffiths (owner of the Twins at the time) hot dog while he signed an autograph. I also remember following Pete Rose as he left the park saying “Mr. Rose, Mr. Rose.” He turned around and said, “What do you want kid?” He ended up signing my ball for me.
I remember our summers being spent at a ballpark. Dad would come home from work and rush to the park. At the time there was nothing better than being in the dugout with him and his team. I used to think the players on his team were larger than life. They were only 15-16 years old, but they were “grown ups” to me. I remember the year I was finally old enough to play for my dad. I remember how cool I thought the uniforms were, blue pinstripes. I also remember being younger than the rest of the team and how nervous I was. I ended up making the last out of the season year by grounding out to the pitcher. I was just happy I didn’t strike out. I remember playing at Parade Stadium for the first time. I had watched many games at Parade. To me it was like a big league ballpark. The dirt was dark and soft, not brown and hard like most parks. The outfield was huge with ivy on the fences. When I finally got to play there it was worth the wait.
I remember going to the second game of the ’87 World Series with my dad. We parked miles away and walked to the Metrodome. We sat on the first base side in the upper deck. The Twins won and I remember the long walk back to the car didn’t seem so far. I have many more of these types of memories, way too many to list.
So I guess to me, baseball is all about the memories. More specifically, memories of being with my dad. No matter what we are doing, we can always talk baseball. I didn’t understand the importance of memories like this until I had kids of my own. I hope my kids will take to baseball the way I did. I can’t wait to take them to their first Twins game. To see the look on their faces when they see a big league park for the first time. To hear the sounds of baseball, the crack of the bat, and the thump of the ball hitting the catchers mitt. To watch them be more interested in eating their first big league hot dog than who is up to bat. To watch them sitting there in their Twins caps that keep falling down into their eyes and their two sizes too big Mauer jerseys on, trying to lick up that last bit of ice cream before it melts. I know they won’t remember who won, but I hope they remember being there with dad. After all that is what matters when you love baseball like I do.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Conversation
There are a few conversations I have been dreading as a parent. I figured I was safe with Ashley. My wife would have the "sex" talk with her. My job with Ashley will be to scare potential boyfriends away. That is one part of my job I am looking forward to. I have a shotgun and a shovel, and I don't think anyone will miss you. Then we had Jake. I figured I had quite a few years to get prepared for the dreaded talk. Since he has yet to utter a single word, I still have a ways to go.
Then the other night I was giving Ashley a bath. She pointed to her private parts and announced, "I have a venus". Now my wife and I have decided to use the proper names for private parts. So I said "No honey you have a vagina, you are a girl." I thought the conversation was over but Ashley had different plans. "I have a bagina and Jake has a penis." No bagina is not a typo. For some reason when my daughter says vagina it comes out as bagina and with an accent like she was from India. "Yes Ashley you have a vagina like mom. Jake has a penis like dad." Suddenly Ashley was even more curious. She has taken baths with Jake quite a few times. She knows he is different than she is. And she picked this time to figure out why.
After we established the differences between males and females Ashley fired off this question, "Daddy, do you have a small penis like Jake does?" I was laughing so hard I could not speak. Suddenly I was having a conversation with my daughter about the size of my penis. Once again, not covered in the parenting handbook. I avoided the question but she was not done. She then asked, "What is hanging from Jake's penis?" I told her those were his testicles. She then said, "Do I have icicles?" Again I had to explain the differences between male and female anatomy. I was very close to drawing her a picture.
I was not prepared for this conversation. It hit me out of nowhere. I have begun preparations for my big talk with Jake. I am starting to compile note cards that I can carry with me at all times. This way I will be ready. Well as ready as I can imagine being for that conversation.
Then the other night I was giving Ashley a bath. She pointed to her private parts and announced, "I have a venus". Now my wife and I have decided to use the proper names for private parts. So I said "No honey you have a vagina, you are a girl." I thought the conversation was over but Ashley had different plans. "I have a bagina and Jake has a penis." No bagina is not a typo. For some reason when my daughter says vagina it comes out as bagina and with an accent like she was from India. "Yes Ashley you have a vagina like mom. Jake has a penis like dad." Suddenly Ashley was even more curious. She has taken baths with Jake quite a few times. She knows he is different than she is. And she picked this time to figure out why.
After we established the differences between males and females Ashley fired off this question, "Daddy, do you have a small penis like Jake does?" I was laughing so hard I could not speak. Suddenly I was having a conversation with my daughter about the size of my penis. Once again, not covered in the parenting handbook. I avoided the question but she was not done. She then asked, "What is hanging from Jake's penis?" I told her those were his testicles. She then said, "Do I have icicles?" Again I had to explain the differences between male and female anatomy. I was very close to drawing her a picture.
I was not prepared for this conversation. It hit me out of nowhere. I have begun preparations for my big talk with Jake. I am starting to compile note cards that I can carry with me at all times. This way I will be ready. Well as ready as I can imagine being for that conversation.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Things That Should Be In Every Parenting Book
When my wife was first pregnant with Ashley we went out and bought a ton of books on the subject of being pregnant. We also bought books about what to do after the baby has arrived. After reading these books you should feel confidant about being a parent. These books are wonderful they prepare you for everything. If you believe that I have some Ocean property for sale in Arizona dirt cheap. So here goes, things that should be in every parenting book. This is mainly for the dads....moms seem to already know this stuff.
1. Approach a crying newborn like you would a buddy on his twenty first birthday. Be prepared for one or all of the following, puke, poop or pee. Just like the buddy who has had too much to drink, the newborn cannot tell you what is wrong with him, you are playing the guessing game. Not being prepared for puke, poop and/or pee you are setting yourself up for one big mess. Have all the necessary tools ready. To effectively fix the crying newborn (or your buddy) you must have, and know how to properly use, a diaper, a spit rag, a good set of nose and ear plugs, and for the most extreme cases, a good pair of gloves and sturdy tongs.
2. Allow one extra day per child to get ready to go somewhere. No matter how ready and prepared you think you are, just know your not. Your always forgetting something, or someone. One or all of your children will poop themselves right before you leave or as your just leaving the driveway. It will smell and it will be messy, have extra clothes ready. No matter how long or short the trip is one or all of your children will pitch a fit, be prepared, most of the times it will be for the duration of the trip. For those of you paying attention you should already have your ear plugs handy and be able to use them. Most people fail to realize that you will go through this again when you come home from your trip, don't make that mistake. Usually the trip home is worse, the kids are tired and if they have been to grandmas house, they are coming off of a huge sugar high. So be prepared.
3. No matter what time you sit down for supper your newborn/toddler will need to be fed. I know what your thinking, I will just fed them right before supper...good luck with that, it never works out. Also make sure you make extra. Most of the food will end up on the floor anyway.
4. For those kids who are learning to use the "big kid pottie" they will lie to you. They will sit on the toilet and swear they do not have to go. Then just seconds later they will pee all over the couch or the carpet. Or if your child is like mine, they will hide in their bedroom, take off the training diaper and pee on the floor then come running out of the bedroom yelling "I did it, I did it!" I have yet to find a solution to this problem if you have one, please email me.
5. While on the subject of bathrooms, your private bathroom time is over. For those of you who like a bit of reading material while relaxing on the throne forget about it. You will have at least one visitor. The conversation will be nothing of importance. Usually it will just be something like "What'cha doing daddy?" or "Daddy can I watch one of my shows?". Resist the urge to say something like "Can't this wait until I am done?". All this will do is trigger a fit. Just go into bathroom time knowing your going to be interrupted this will make the minute or two you actually get by yourself that much more enjoyable.
6. Do not let your kids on to the fact that their kid CD's will play in the car. This is all you will end up listening to. Forget your music, it is either "Wheels on the Bus" or crying it is your choice. Since you cannot hear the radio over the crying anyway the kids CD will become your music of choice.
7. Dads be prepared, the kids will always want mom. If they fall down they want mom, when they go to bed, they want mom. Moms do it better. Most of the time your kids will look at you like your an idiot, don't be offended, you are an idiot.
8. Enjoy the time when your kid cannot talk. Parents try to rush this talking thing. Once they learn how to talk they don't stop. I have seen Ashley rubbing her jaw by the end of the night. The talking is non stop and they expect an answer to every question they throw out there. If you don't answer they just repeat it. So if your plan is to ignore come up with a new plan.
Most of all, enjoy your kids as they grow up. Time goes fast, don't miss a thing. The only advice you need to remember, sleep when they sleep and never under any circumstances wake a sleeping baby.
1. Approach a crying newborn like you would a buddy on his twenty first birthday. Be prepared for one or all of the following, puke, poop or pee. Just like the buddy who has had too much to drink, the newborn cannot tell you what is wrong with him, you are playing the guessing game. Not being prepared for puke, poop and/or pee you are setting yourself up for one big mess. Have all the necessary tools ready. To effectively fix the crying newborn (or your buddy) you must have, and know how to properly use, a diaper, a spit rag, a good set of nose and ear plugs, and for the most extreme cases, a good pair of gloves and sturdy tongs.
2. Allow one extra day per child to get ready to go somewhere. No matter how ready and prepared you think you are, just know your not. Your always forgetting something, or someone. One or all of your children will poop themselves right before you leave or as your just leaving the driveway. It will smell and it will be messy, have extra clothes ready. No matter how long or short the trip is one or all of your children will pitch a fit, be prepared, most of the times it will be for the duration of the trip. For those of you paying attention you should already have your ear plugs handy and be able to use them. Most people fail to realize that you will go through this again when you come home from your trip, don't make that mistake. Usually the trip home is worse, the kids are tired and if they have been to grandmas house, they are coming off of a huge sugar high. So be prepared.
3. No matter what time you sit down for supper your newborn/toddler will need to be fed. I know what your thinking, I will just fed them right before supper...good luck with that, it never works out. Also make sure you make extra. Most of the food will end up on the floor anyway.
4. For those kids who are learning to use the "big kid pottie" they will lie to you. They will sit on the toilet and swear they do not have to go. Then just seconds later they will pee all over the couch or the carpet. Or if your child is like mine, they will hide in their bedroom, take off the training diaper and pee on the floor then come running out of the bedroom yelling "I did it, I did it!" I have yet to find a solution to this problem if you have one, please email me.
5. While on the subject of bathrooms, your private bathroom time is over. For those of you who like a bit of reading material while relaxing on the throne forget about it. You will have at least one visitor. The conversation will be nothing of importance. Usually it will just be something like "What'cha doing daddy?" or "Daddy can I watch one of my shows?". Resist the urge to say something like "Can't this wait until I am done?". All this will do is trigger a fit. Just go into bathroom time knowing your going to be interrupted this will make the minute or two you actually get by yourself that much more enjoyable.
6. Do not let your kids on to the fact that their kid CD's will play in the car. This is all you will end up listening to. Forget your music, it is either "Wheels on the Bus" or crying it is your choice. Since you cannot hear the radio over the crying anyway the kids CD will become your music of choice.
7. Dads be prepared, the kids will always want mom. If they fall down they want mom, when they go to bed, they want mom. Moms do it better. Most of the time your kids will look at you like your an idiot, don't be offended, you are an idiot.
8. Enjoy the time when your kid cannot talk. Parents try to rush this talking thing. Once they learn how to talk they don't stop. I have seen Ashley rubbing her jaw by the end of the night. The talking is non stop and they expect an answer to every question they throw out there. If you don't answer they just repeat it. So if your plan is to ignore come up with a new plan.
Most of all, enjoy your kids as they grow up. Time goes fast, don't miss a thing. The only advice you need to remember, sleep when they sleep and never under any circumstances wake a sleeping baby.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Dads 1st Night WIth the Kids
Well the time had finally come. My wife’s leave from work was over. When it was just Ashley and I the nights went very smoothly. Ashley has always been (for the most part) an excellent sleeper which made things fairly easy. Jake on the other hand is a bit different, some nights are good, others are not. I didn't know what to expect from both of them here with me all by my lonesome. Ready or not, the time has come.
Things went well for all of 15 minutes. Jake decided to have a complete meltdown. I tried to remember what I had learned by watching my wife for the past three months during meltdowns. The initials HPT came to mind: Hungry, Poopy, Tired. Well he had just eaten not that long ago, so cross of H. A quick diaper change took care of P. I felt like a paramedic assessing a trauma patient. That left T. I find him his nook and try snuggling him in to sleep. This only made him cry harder. At this point Ashley decided to meltdown as well. I asked her what was wrong. She said "You can't get mad at Jake". I explained to her that I wasn't mad at anyone, yet. She didn't believe me, and yelled louder, which made Jake yell louder. Twenty minutes into the night and I need a drink. As it turned out if I had started the meltdown assessment with the H all chaos could have been avoided. Apparently he was hungry again. Round one to the kids.
I gave Jake some food and life was good once again, until mother nature decided I didn't have enough on my plate. No, no, no to add to the enjoyment of the evening how about a bit of severe weather coming our way. I had just warmed a bottle for Jake, gotten Ashley into her pajamas when the power went out with an extremely loud crack of thunder. Thanks to the noise of the thunder both kids were once again in full meltdown mode. This time with no lights on. I found the flashlight/weather radio. This flashlight has more buttons and gadgets than I am familiar with. I ended up turning on the strobe light along with the siren. Smooth move dad. When does mom come home? I turned on the radio just in time to hear "...if you are in any of these areas, take cover immediately..." I figure we should hit the basement. I put Ashley on the leash, (just kidding) and off we go. I forgot to grab Jakes bottle on the way down so he started yelling once again. I had found another flashlight in the basement so we actually had quite a bit of light. I told Ashley to stay put while I grab Jake his bottle. I was gone for ten seconds when I get back in the basement Ashley is gone. The leash idea is sounding better and better. I hear movement in the next room. I then hear a crash and crying. Well at least I know where she is. Turns out Ashley thought it would be fun to crawl into one of the totes sitting out in the laundry room but failed to comprehend the fact that it is pitch dark in the room and missed the tote and hit her head on the side. I looked her over and there was no blood. No harm no foul. I fed Jake and things were quiet once again. Bartender may I have another....and make it a double. Round two to mother nature.
We were all just waiting for the storm to blow over when the smell came. I take a whiff of Jake's butt, yup, there it is. I look outside and things didn't look good. The radio was saying people were seeing funnel clouds all over our area, we were not going upstairs anytime soon. I didn't think to bring diapers down with us. We were going to ride out the storm trapped with the smell. To make things worse Ashley decided it was a good time to poop as well. No power, tornados, and two stinky kids. What chapter covered this in the parent handbook? Finally the weather passed and we were able to go upstairs once again. Power was still out so changing two poopy kids by flashlight was a new experience. Another skill to add to the resume.
The rest of the night went well. Both kids slept well and the power eventually came back on. I for one didn't get a whole lot of sleep, Jake was up a few hours later and wanting to eat again. He then decided it was playtime and not sleep time. How could I be mad? You can't help but smile when he smiles. So with the exception of no sleep, I and more importantly the kids, made it through our night alone without harm. Final round to dad.
Things went well for all of 15 minutes. Jake decided to have a complete meltdown. I tried to remember what I had learned by watching my wife for the past three months during meltdowns. The initials HPT came to mind: Hungry, Poopy, Tired. Well he had just eaten not that long ago, so cross of H. A quick diaper change took care of P. I felt like a paramedic assessing a trauma patient. That left T. I find him his nook and try snuggling him in to sleep. This only made him cry harder. At this point Ashley decided to meltdown as well. I asked her what was wrong. She said "You can't get mad at Jake". I explained to her that I wasn't mad at anyone, yet. She didn't believe me, and yelled louder, which made Jake yell louder. Twenty minutes into the night and I need a drink. As it turned out if I had started the meltdown assessment with the H all chaos could have been avoided. Apparently he was hungry again. Round one to the kids.
I gave Jake some food and life was good once again, until mother nature decided I didn't have enough on my plate. No, no, no to add to the enjoyment of the evening how about a bit of severe weather coming our way. I had just warmed a bottle for Jake, gotten Ashley into her pajamas when the power went out with an extremely loud crack of thunder. Thanks to the noise of the thunder both kids were once again in full meltdown mode. This time with no lights on. I found the flashlight/weather radio. This flashlight has more buttons and gadgets than I am familiar with. I ended up turning on the strobe light along with the siren. Smooth move dad. When does mom come home? I turned on the radio just in time to hear "...if you are in any of these areas, take cover immediately..." I figure we should hit the basement. I put Ashley on the leash, (just kidding) and off we go. I forgot to grab Jakes bottle on the way down so he started yelling once again. I had found another flashlight in the basement so we actually had quite a bit of light. I told Ashley to stay put while I grab Jake his bottle. I was gone for ten seconds when I get back in the basement Ashley is gone. The leash idea is sounding better and better. I hear movement in the next room. I then hear a crash and crying. Well at least I know where she is. Turns out Ashley thought it would be fun to crawl into one of the totes sitting out in the laundry room but failed to comprehend the fact that it is pitch dark in the room and missed the tote and hit her head on the side. I looked her over and there was no blood. No harm no foul. I fed Jake and things were quiet once again. Bartender may I have another....and make it a double. Round two to mother nature.
We were all just waiting for the storm to blow over when the smell came. I take a whiff of Jake's butt, yup, there it is. I look outside and things didn't look good. The radio was saying people were seeing funnel clouds all over our area, we were not going upstairs anytime soon. I didn't think to bring diapers down with us. We were going to ride out the storm trapped with the smell. To make things worse Ashley decided it was a good time to poop as well. No power, tornados, and two stinky kids. What chapter covered this in the parent handbook? Finally the weather passed and we were able to go upstairs once again. Power was still out so changing two poopy kids by flashlight was a new experience. Another skill to add to the resume.
The rest of the night went well. Both kids slept well and the power eventually came back on. I for one didn't get a whole lot of sleep, Jake was up a few hours later and wanting to eat again. He then decided it was playtime and not sleep time. How could I be mad? You can't help but smile when he smiles. So with the exception of no sleep, I and more importantly the kids, made it through our night alone without harm. Final round to dad.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
The New Bedtime
Well we have made it through one whole month! Both kids are doing well. Slowly we are getting into a workable routine. So far the biggest fight has been bedtime. For the most part Jake sleeps from 11-5 am (most nights) then he eats and sleeps until 8-8:30. Ashley on the other hand had decided to change up her routine. As luck would have it Jakes nighttime feeding is at the same time as Ashley’s bedtime. She is not a happy camper when I have to read her books before bed. She wants mom. Who can blame her? Mom knows all the words, I still have to sound a lot of them out. I am getting better.
Ever since she was a couple months old Ashley was a wonderful sleeper. She would take naps during the day and sleep all night without problems. Then Jake came along and ripped her little world apart. Naps are now hit and miss. Bedtime is an adventure. Ashley has decided she is not going to sleep in her crib anymore. My wife was trying to put her down for a nap when Ashley decided to jump out of her crib, Pro Wrestling style. My wife made a diving grab and luckily Ashley was not hurt. So that night we set up her big girl bed. Ashley seemed excited. All was going well until bedtime came.
At this point my beautiful two-year-old daughter transformed into something straight out of a horror film. I thought she was possessed. I was suddenly having visions of the movie The Exorcist. I was scared. I didn’t have any holy water handy. Her episode lasted about half an hour. When she finally calmed down I was able to determine what her problem was, she was afraid. She was afraid of the change. For some reason this really got to me. I know one of my roles, as a parent, is to protect my children. How do I protect her from this type of fear, the fear of change and the unknown? I came to the conclusion that I can’t. These are the types of fears that are apart of life. This is not something I can make go away. I can’t chase the scary monsters out from under her bed because this time there is no monster. I hated the fact that my little girl was scared and I could not just make it go away.
It was at this time when one of those “moments” happened. If you are a parent you will understand what I mean by “moments”. It was one of those times you, as a parent, will probably never forget. Ashley had calmed down by this point and was sitting on her big girl bed. She was still puffy and red from crying, holding her “woobie”. We were about half way through one of her books when she looked at me, put her little hand on my arm and said “Daddy sleep with me?” I don’t know why but those four words gave me a lump in my throat. Of course I didn’t tear up, I am a guy. The whole time we were reading books she was trying to solve her problem of being afraid. We finished reading books and I tucked her into her big girl bed for the first time. I laid down next to her on the floor. Within a few minutes she fell asleep. I think I nodded off too, being a parent is exhausting.
I know there will be more Exorcist moments at bedtime. I know there will be times when I am so frustrated with her that I have to leave the room, but on this night I was proud. Proud to be a father but mostly I was proud of my little girl. She faced her fear. She asked for help when she needed it and she made it through one of the many scary situations she will face. I hope my wife and I can give her the tools she will need to face things head on. I guess time will tell, but for now I think we are off to a good start. But just in case, we had a whole gallon of water blessed, it is now loaded in various squirt guns located around the house……
Ever since she was a couple months old Ashley was a wonderful sleeper. She would take naps during the day and sleep all night without problems. Then Jake came along and ripped her little world apart. Naps are now hit and miss. Bedtime is an adventure. Ashley has decided she is not going to sleep in her crib anymore. My wife was trying to put her down for a nap when Ashley decided to jump out of her crib, Pro Wrestling style. My wife made a diving grab and luckily Ashley was not hurt. So that night we set up her big girl bed. Ashley seemed excited. All was going well until bedtime came.
At this point my beautiful two-year-old daughter transformed into something straight out of a horror film. I thought she was possessed. I was suddenly having visions of the movie The Exorcist. I was scared. I didn’t have any holy water handy. Her episode lasted about half an hour. When she finally calmed down I was able to determine what her problem was, she was afraid. She was afraid of the change. For some reason this really got to me. I know one of my roles, as a parent, is to protect my children. How do I protect her from this type of fear, the fear of change and the unknown? I came to the conclusion that I can’t. These are the types of fears that are apart of life. This is not something I can make go away. I can’t chase the scary monsters out from under her bed because this time there is no monster. I hated the fact that my little girl was scared and I could not just make it go away.
It was at this time when one of those “moments” happened. If you are a parent you will understand what I mean by “moments”. It was one of those times you, as a parent, will probably never forget. Ashley had calmed down by this point and was sitting on her big girl bed. She was still puffy and red from crying, holding her “woobie”. We were about half way through one of her books when she looked at me, put her little hand on my arm and said “Daddy sleep with me?” I don’t know why but those four words gave me a lump in my throat. Of course I didn’t tear up, I am a guy. The whole time we were reading books she was trying to solve her problem of being afraid. We finished reading books and I tucked her into her big girl bed for the first time. I laid down next to her on the floor. Within a few minutes she fell asleep. I think I nodded off too, being a parent is exhausting.
I know there will be more Exorcist moments at bedtime. I know there will be times when I am so frustrated with her that I have to leave the room, but on this night I was proud. Proud to be a father but mostly I was proud of my little girl. She faced her fear. She asked for help when she needed it and she made it through one of the many scary situations she will face. I hope my wife and I can give her the tools she will need to face things head on. I guess time will tell, but for now I think we are off to a good start. But just in case, we had a whole gallon of water blessed, it is now loaded in various squirt guns located around the house……
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Life Flipped on its Head
I recently became a father again. Once again I am learning to do things all over again. When my daughter was born two years ago I had little to no "baby" experience. I had no idea how to change her diaper, or how to get clothes on her. Anyone with a newborn knows what I mean, its like trying to dress Gumby. I was afraid I would somehow break her. I was convinced I would drop her and leave her impaired for life. I'm sorry honey, I know you drool when you talk, daddy dropped you on your head when you were young. Please forgive me.
Over time these fears and shortcomings I had subsided. As she grew I became more comfortable being a father. Diaper changes no longer were an adventure and I could dress her all by myself. My wife even left her alone with me from time to time. I am still convinced she had a secret spy that kept an eye on me. All and all life was good, we had a routine and we were good at the routine. Life was good. So good in fact we thought we might as well have another child. The first one was still breathing so what the heck.
About this time I stopped working full time so we would have no need for daycare. My wife has an excellent job so this just made sense. So for the past six months I have been a house-husband, and not a very good one at that. Really? We have laundry to do? Didn't we just do that like two weeks ago? There is a new household rule: You wear it until it smells. If I can't smell it when I walk into the room, its wearable. My daughter has really taken to this new clothes policy, my wife on the other hand is resisting. She insists on wearing clean clothes, I will break her.
We were just getting into the swing of this new lifestyle when my son was born. This time I was not worried at all, I was a pro at this. Its amazing how much I have forgotten in two short years. The first time I went to put clothes on him I asked him to put his arm into the arm hole. He just looked at me like I was crazy. I finally got his little Gumby body into his clothes when he had what can only be described as a stink bomb go off in his diaper. So off with the clothes to change the diaper. Lets just say changing boys and changing girls are totally different tasks. In the two years of changing my daughter she had plenty of accidents with no diaper on. No big deal, since girls pee goes down her diaper would catch it. Get a clean diaper and move on. All was going well, the old diaper was off of my son, the smell was gone, his butt was clean. Time to put on the new diaper. Next thing I know pee is shooting everywhere. All over his clothes, all over his blankets, everywhere. My first reaction was to save myself and take cover. Every man, woman, and child for themselves. Luckily the attack didn't last long. I looked at my wife and asked for help. She told me no, you need to learn to be quicker and left the room. Yes dear. By the way, your clothes smell clean, you can wear that again.
I am happy to report that both my son and my daughter are still breathing. I have not broke them as of yet. I am getting used to Gumby once again and my record times for diaper changing is broken almost daily. If I get the right offer I might just turn pro, but for now I am keeping my amature status. My daughter defiantly has her moments. The terrible twos are terrible for a reason. Will she ever stop talking?? My son is only a few weeks old and for the most part he is sleeping or eating. There is plenty of chaos going on here at home throughout the day. There are times when I feel like my life is all about the next feeding or diaper change. Then my daughter will come up and give me a hug and kiss for no apparent reason and it is all worth it. Off to do laundry, I have been out of underwear for two days.
Over time these fears and shortcomings I had subsided. As she grew I became more comfortable being a father. Diaper changes no longer were an adventure and I could dress her all by myself. My wife even left her alone with me from time to time. I am still convinced she had a secret spy that kept an eye on me. All and all life was good, we had a routine and we were good at the routine. Life was good. So good in fact we thought we might as well have another child. The first one was still breathing so what the heck.
About this time I stopped working full time so we would have no need for daycare. My wife has an excellent job so this just made sense. So for the past six months I have been a house-husband, and not a very good one at that. Really? We have laundry to do? Didn't we just do that like two weeks ago? There is a new household rule: You wear it until it smells. If I can't smell it when I walk into the room, its wearable. My daughter has really taken to this new clothes policy, my wife on the other hand is resisting. She insists on wearing clean clothes, I will break her.
We were just getting into the swing of this new lifestyle when my son was born. This time I was not worried at all, I was a pro at this. Its amazing how much I have forgotten in two short years. The first time I went to put clothes on him I asked him to put his arm into the arm hole. He just looked at me like I was crazy. I finally got his little Gumby body into his clothes when he had what can only be described as a stink bomb go off in his diaper. So off with the clothes to change the diaper. Lets just say changing boys and changing girls are totally different tasks. In the two years of changing my daughter she had plenty of accidents with no diaper on. No big deal, since girls pee goes down her diaper would catch it. Get a clean diaper and move on. All was going well, the old diaper was off of my son, the smell was gone, his butt was clean. Time to put on the new diaper. Next thing I know pee is shooting everywhere. All over his clothes, all over his blankets, everywhere. My first reaction was to save myself and take cover. Every man, woman, and child for themselves. Luckily the attack didn't last long. I looked at my wife and asked for help. She told me no, you need to learn to be quicker and left the room. Yes dear. By the way, your clothes smell clean, you can wear that again.
I am happy to report that both my son and my daughter are still breathing. I have not broke them as of yet. I am getting used to Gumby once again and my record times for diaper changing is broken almost daily. If I get the right offer I might just turn pro, but for now I am keeping my amature status. My daughter defiantly has her moments. The terrible twos are terrible for a reason. Will she ever stop talking?? My son is only a few weeks old and for the most part he is sleeping or eating. There is plenty of chaos going on here at home throughout the day. There are times when I feel like my life is all about the next feeding or diaper change. Then my daughter will come up and give me a hug and kiss for no apparent reason and it is all worth it. Off to do laundry, I have been out of underwear for two days.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
